Sunday, April 10, 2011

Random Thoughts about submitting and unblurring fantasy and reality

I used to have these elaborate fantasies in regard to submitting to a woman- An uber Domme. They usually involved being naked and collared; Only being allowed to crawl on my hands knees; only being allowed to speak when given permission; eating and drinking from a dog bowl; sleeping in a cage. As I said, elaborate fantasies and certainly things that would be appealing in the context of a play scene.
But where is the true surrender in something like that? Is it really submission? I don't really think it is. Doing whatever your Domme/Mistress requires of you is all very well and good but you have to ask yourself why you are doing it? Are you doing it merely because she happens to have the Dominant role in the relationship and you're happy to be a toy for her to play with?
What qualities does she have as a person that make you want to surrender to her totally? And by qualities I mean inner qualities because in my opinion there needs to be something that transcends her looks. There needs to be a deep and abiding strength of character, one that makes you trust them and creates a need inside you that desires to make them happy.
Then you also to consider the concept of what is going to make them happy. What do they need from you that will make them happy not just as your Domme/Mistress. What can you offer them as a person and not just as a submissive.
The dynamic of the relationship has already been established. So isn't it better to forget about that and to try and focus on the human connection instead. If you lose sight of that then isn't the relationship doomed to failure?
That's why communication is so important. You can't just rush into things because one person defines themselves as Dominant and the other as Submissive. You have to take the time to get to know each other. You have to be totally honest in how the both of you want things to progress. Phrases like "I will do whatever you desire" etc etc really belong in the realms of fantasy.
There is certainly a place for fantasy but it shouldn't be the foundation of the realationship. Truth and honesty should be. Submission is, in my opinion. about the giving over of yourself, totally opening up to another person. And that is something very few people are capable of doing. We are afraid of being judged if we show any sign of vulnerability or a desire to be loved and cheerised and respected for who we are.
I am not sure if I am fully there yet but I want to be and that's a start

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