Friday, September 10, 2010

BDSM: The Journey that never earns

I've been active within the Irish BDSM scene for almost three years now. I attend Nimhneach fetish club on a very regular basis and I've been to a number of fetish parties both in dublin and outside but the roots go back much longer. Decades.
It's difficult to say when exactly it began; probably my early teens and it started totally as a fetish. I'd always had a slightly odd feeling around girls who wore patent leather shoes or shiny leather boots and girls who were slightly agressive. I had fantasies about being made to do things by them, being told to kiss their shoes or boots. I thought that it was just a phase and that I'd grow out of it, the same way you grow bored with a rock band when you're in your teens.
But even though they subsided as the years went on, the feelings were always there in the back on my mind. I read some the Gor novels and fantasised about being a slave to a Gorean woman. When I was about 19, I finallly plucked up the courage and rang the phone number of a Pro Domme. I'd torn the page with her number out of a magazine about six months previously and stuck it in a jacket pocket.
I went to her apt and played with her for about an hour. Boot worship, pet play and verbal humilation. I enjoyed the experience very much. The itch had finally been scratched.Now I could get back to living a nice uncomplicated life. But that didn't happen.
The feelings kept resurfacing. Sometimes they would lie buried for years but eventually they announced themselves once again. Visits to pro Dommes only served to put ointment on the itch.
It was only when I made my first visit to Nimhneach- when it was still in the vodoo lounge- that things began to click into place. I wasn't alone. I'd always felt like an outsider, as if i didn't really belong but now I felt like part of a community. It was almost like having a family who totally excepted me for who I was.
It encouraged me to take a long and thoughtful look at myself and one thing in particular struck me All my relationships had been with dominant women- not always positively dominant- but i definitely tended to gravitate towards those types of women and i liked making women happy. There was a certain buzz about serving them. And I didnt want anything in return. Their contentment was enough for me. Not very macho in a lot of people's eyes but that's what being part of the BDSM community has brought to me. As long as you are behaving in a safe, sane and consensual manner then other people's eyes dont really matter. It's your own eyes that matter most; being able to look at yourself in a totally honest way, being truthful as living your life as full person and not just the image that society tries to label you with. And if that means you choose to define yourself as a slave or a master or a Mistress within your relationship  then so be it. Its better to live as a proud slave then an empty and hollow vessel.
Life is to be lived, not to be endured.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Who is really in control?

I suppose the most obvious answer to the question is the sub. He can say stop or use the safe word at any stage and then everything stops. The scene ends. But doesn't that change when the scene is with somebody you care about, that you value deeply as a human being and person and not just as a role? Then doesn't the power dynamic shift almost totally, if not completely to the Domme? 

  As a sub you can feel a very deep connection, almost as if she's inside you. it makes you want to push harder and harder, to take more pain and humilation because you don't want to lose that connection, that sense of total freedom and release. Theres almost a conflict. you feel yourself wanting to use the safe word but something stops you. I can take more you tell yourself. The pain is worth it if it makes her happy, if that look in her eye remains. And that, I believe is where empathy from the Domme is essential, the ability to read a person. knowing that it is time to stop and then making the sub feel that she felt the connection too as he slowly comes down.  she takes power but she also gives it back.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Here comes the weekend

I really should be writing on this a lot more than I am but real life, ie work is causing a certain degree of lethargy. But at least the weekend is nearly here. Party on saturday night. Roseannas birthday. I wont say what age she is because she's obviously lying about it. There's no way she is anywhere near that age. LOL. 
  I'll write some more on sunday or maybe even sooner. It depends how lazy I'm feeling