tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79539018173369665642024-03-08T10:31:04.879-08:00Nash: Thoughts and reflections of a submissive male_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-12690680793306299312011-07-17T02:02:00.000-07:002011-07-17T02:02:01.977-07:00ProgressHave not written a great deal lately. Partly because I had problems logging into the blog. Also because there has been a lot going on in my life. Some of it is work related but mainly it's been about progress. I'm learning more and more about myself as a person. I am developing a very deep connection with my Mistress. She is a great comfort to me. The fact that she wants to know me as a person means a great deal. Things are still in the early stages but so far they are going well. I feel inspired by her and wish to continue to develop myself as a person and become more for her. <br />
I'm also writing more. I've published a book on Amazon Kindle books. Just a short collection of poetry and essays reflecting upon experiences and emotions I have discovered and grown into as a submissive. The writing came from the heart. I don't Harry Potter has anything to worry about just yet. LOL. This is a link to it. I hope to write further in regard to my development as both a person and a submissive. I don't think you can really separate the two. One develops the other. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005CDD3AE">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005CDD3AE</a>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-26353867261205608322011-07-08T03:33:00.000-07:002011-07-08T03:33:53.132-07:00Words; on a highWords, a series of letters merely when you think about it, but they can have such power. A word such as Mistress. It's a word I have used a number of times. I've used at Nimhneach and at play parties. It helps to enhance the dynamic of a scene. But now that I am using the word to somebody who means a great deal to me it has taken on a completely different meaning. It's like an electrical charge flowing through my body. Belonging to somebody gives me a real sense of perspective and purpose. It's not merely a word. It's a statement. <br />
And when she says words to me. Words such as "My boy" "My slave" My dog" "My footstool" Words that signify that I am hers, then I feel totally alive. You cannot live through another person but with the right connection you can find something that makes you appreciate the value of life, the value of love. I'm in a very good place at the moment._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-35284232678281992572011-05-29T07:59:00.000-07:002011-05-29T07:59:12.698-07:00The look and the silence that says more than a thousand wordsShe looks at you. She does not speak. She looks at you. Her eyes say the words. She looks at you. And her eyes speak. Deep inside you they echo. You are mine. You do not hear the words. Deep inside you you feel them. You are mine.<br />
You kneel before her. she looks at you. She does not speak. You are mine. You don't know why you kneel. You feel so humble. She does not speak. She looks at you. You are mine. You feel the power of the silent words vibrate inside your body. Your heart swells up. You lower your head and you kiss her feet. You don't why you kiss her feet. You cannot see her eyes but you can feel them. You can feel them touching you. you can feel them deep inside you. It's almost as if she is holding a mirror in front of you and showing you your secret reflection. A reflection that you keep buried. Because you thought that it was ugly and weak.<br />
And now she shows you how beautiful and strong it is. You are at her feet. And she touches you. Your heart swells up. You feel a tightness against your neck. she raises your head so that you can see her eyes again. She does not speak. And then you see the collar. You feel the tightness. Has she turned you into a dog you wonder. Dogs wear collars.<br />
Gently. she lays her hand on your head and you are at her feet again. And she never speaks. She does not need to. Her eyes say more than words ever could. You are mine. Yes, your heart replies. I am.<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-16256337218295835212011-05-22T06:01:00.000-07:002011-05-22T06:01:36.130-07:00Freed into slaveryTo kneel before you,<br />
To bow down to you,<br />
To worship and even pray to you as though you were God,<br />
to be humbled by you,<br />
To abase myself before you,<br />
To choose slavery with open eyes and heart,<br />
To be all that you desire,<br />
To feel your your touch and to see you glow,<br />
To know that I am yours.<br />
To crawl to your feet and lay down before you and await your command,<br />
Or just to lie in silence,<br />
While my heart beats in rhythm with the echo of your power,<br />
To listen to your voice,<br />
To discover my soul through servitude and surrender,<br />
To know with a glance what it is you require.<br />
For words not to be required,<br />
To be chained before you,<br />
And to feel the chains of the heart ripped free,<br />
To be freed into slavery_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-61457958357381097172011-05-21T01:41:00.000-07:002011-05-21T01:41:53.213-07:00The Darkness that turned on a lightI was reborn into darkness,<br />
Into dark desires,<br />
And in those dark desires I found a light,<br />
A light that illuminated,<br />
And revealed with clarity,<br />
All that I am and can be and desire to be.<br />
And to find light,<br />
You must stumble through darkness for a time,<br />
And struggle with shame and guilt,<br />
Until the you that is truly you is opened up.<br />
There is no shame in kneeling with a bowed head,<br />
to prostate yourself at the feet of one,<br />
Who will lead you deeper into the light,<br />
Who will accept you as you truly are,<br />
beyond flesh,<br />
To the very core of your being,<br />
One who will touch you,<br />
And guide you,<br />
Bring you to your knees but never let you fall.<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-65730809261208757862011-05-16T23:48:00.000-07:002011-05-16T23:48:42.185-07:00He offers service: poemTo his eyes and heart she was a queen,<br />
Though she did not wear regal clothing or speak with regal air,<br />
But still he knelt before her and offered service.<br />
Which, at first, she declined,<br />
And told him not to kneel,<br />
Because kneeling seemed like weakness to her eyes,<br />
To which he replied<br />
"I do not Kneel to show you my weakness, I kneel to offer you my strength."<br />
She mused upon this for a time,<br />
Looking down upon him with her eyes,<br />
And felt his strength combining with her own.<br />
And now he serves with strength and pride,<br />
wears her collar,<br />
And by doing so no weakness is defined,<br />
Only her strength and his combined,<br />
To form something divine._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-34610835686570477042011-05-13T15:39:00.000-07:002011-05-13T15:39:06.045-07:00ReflectionsSo these are just a few random reflections that I'm having at the moment, clearing out the cobwebs of my mind. I've been involved in the scene seriously now for a little over three years. I've met some great people and had some wonderful scenes. So far I have enjoyed myself immensely and I sincerely hope that I continue to do so.<br />
But I find myself at a crossroads. The next part will probably sound somewhat selfish but I want more. And I'm not even sure if want is the correct word to use. At times it is almost like a craving, as though there is a part of me inside that is caged in a blanket of darkness. The light is very close by but I am struggling to find the switch. That light is the light of true connection, when you are connected with somebody not just in the context of your respective roles but as people.<br />
It is not an easy thing to achieve and there have been times when I doubted if it could be achieved. Maybe I needed to compromise my principals? I Know that many people within the scene have done that. But then if you compromise on something that is very much a part of you then aren't you selling yourself short? You can fake it I suppose but inside you would always know the truth and it would constantly gnaw at you, leaving you hollow inside. <br />
I guess what I'm saying is that it can be difficult to find somebody who really gets you. Not just as the person who is standing in front of them but who you are inside, the person that you want to be but something holds you back. You don't know what it is. The light switch is in front of you but you just can't seem to find it. <br />
Sometimes I feel as though my hand is hovering over the light switch. All I need to do is just switch it on._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-807551012617622292011-05-08T03:16:00.000-07:002011-05-08T03:16:30.513-07:00Poems reflecting my submission.Yours to command,<br />
Yours at your feet,<br />
Yours by your side,<br />
Yours to take your pain and sorrow and draw it inside myself,<br />
Yours to take the pain that you give,<br />
Yours beyond thought, word or deed,<br />
Yours, with the worst of me discarded and only the good remaining,<br />
Yours in both darkness and light and the shadow in between,<br />
Yours, to tremble beneath your touch,<br />
Yours sliced open until only truth remains,<br />
Yours in all that I am, all I can be and all that I desire to be,<br />
Yours in both slavery and humanity<br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
Lying on the floor,<br />
Licking your boot,<br />
While the heel of your other boot grinds me down<br />
It feels like a little death<br />
the way my heart is beating and the way my body trembles<br />
Your words, soft and gentle and mocking<br />
drop down upon me like jewels from a distance<br />
My mind is racing and there are so many things I wish I could say to you<br />
But I've said them before so I keep silent<br />
And just breathe in the power that you have over me<br />
Though I have said it<br />
You will never know<br />
How much It hurts<br />
When you hurt<br />
or when you don't see who you are inside<br />
Someday<br />
you will<br />
And you'll glow<br />
And you'll burn<br />
Because the beauty outside you cannot touch the beauty I see inside you<br />
There are times<br />
When I wish that I could harden myself against you<br />
And cast you aside<br />
When you hurt me<br />
But then I get a glimpse of the beauty inside you<br />
And I dissolve.<br />
You are more than you think you are<br />
Know that<br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<div class="container"> <div class="span-20 border"> <div class="blog_entry clearfix"> <div class="span-2"><br />
</div><div class="span-14 last"> <h3>Goddess and fire.<span class="small quiet"> </span></h3>Outside,<br />
you are not perfect,<br />
you are flawed and human,<br />
There are blemishes,<br />
But inside,<br />
There is a fire that burns,<br />
A fire that rages with a passion that raises you up,<br />
And the fire draws some closer,<br />
And they see the Goddess inside you.<br />
A Power that cannot be verbalised or put into words,<br />
A power that inspires worship and obedience,<br />
As knees are brought down,<br />
And heads are bowed in supplication,<br />
The slave at your feet, eyes glowing with adoration,<br />
Is burned by the fire.<br />
The fire warms and cleanses and draws the best of him towards you,<br />
He sees beyond the flaws and imperfections,<br />
And the slave cannot speak.<br />
You have turned on the light inside him,<br />
And shown him your power,<br />
And the power that has always been inside him,<br />
The power of Submission and surrender,<br />
You have shown all he can be by revealing the fire inside you.<br />
A true Goddess Is neither divine nor flawless,<br />
But rises above,<br />
To ignite the flame,<br />
So her fire can rage eternal<br />
</div></div><div class="span-16 last" id="post_comments_container"><section id="comments"><article class="comment clearfix" id="post_comment_1821962"> <div id="new_comment_container"><div id="new_comment"> <a href="" name="new_comment_anchor"></a> <form action="/users/92322/posts/592394/post_comments" class="full spinner" id="new_post_comment_form" method="post"> <fieldset style="padding-bottom: 10px;"> <div class="bottom"> <textarea class="text expand asuka_src growfieldDummy" cols="40" id="post_comment_body" name="" rows="20" style="height: 20px; left: -9999px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; resize: none; top: 0px; width: 590px;" tabindex="-9999"></textarea><textarea class="text expand asuka_src growfield" cols="40" id="post_comment_body" name="post_comment[body]" rows="20" style="height: 175px; overflow: hidden; width: 590px;"></textarea></div></fieldset><fieldset class="submit"> <div class="bottom"> <span id="submit_button"></span></div></fieldset></form></div></div></article> </section></div></div></div><em><br />
</em><br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-52140679531961270432011-04-10T12:39:00.000-07:002011-04-10T12:39:03.740-07:00Random Thoughts about submitting and unblurring fantasy and realityI used to have these elaborate fantasies in regard to submitting to a woman- An uber Domme. They usually involved being naked and collared; Only being allowed to crawl on my hands knees; only being allowed to speak when given permission; eating and drinking from a dog bowl; sleeping in a cage. As I said, elaborate fantasies and certainly things that would be appealing in the context of a play scene.<br />
But where is the true surrender in something like that? Is it really submission? I don't really think it is. Doing whatever your Domme/Mistress requires of you is all very well and good but you have to ask yourself why you are doing it? Are you doing it merely because she happens to have the Dominant role in the relationship and you're happy to be a toy for her to play with?<br />
What qualities does she have as a person that make you want to surrender to her totally? And by qualities I mean inner qualities because in my opinion there needs to be something that transcends her looks. There needs to be a deep and abiding strength of character, one that makes you trust them and creates a need inside you that desires to make them happy.<br />
Then you also to consider the concept of what is going to make them happy. What do they need from you that will make them happy not just as your Domme/Mistress. What can you offer them as a person and not just as a submissive.<br />
The dynamic of the relationship has already been established. So isn't it better to forget about that and to try and focus on the human connection instead. If you lose sight of that then isn't the relationship doomed to failure?<br />
That's why communication is so important. You can't just rush into things because one person defines themselves as Dominant and the other as Submissive. You have to take the time to get to know each other. You have to be totally honest in how the both of you want things to progress. Phrases like "I will do whatever you desire" etc etc really belong in the realms of fantasy.<br />
There is certainly a place for fantasy but it shouldn't be the foundation of the realationship. Truth and honesty should be. Submission is, in my opinion. about the giving over of yourself, totally opening up to another person. And that is something very few people are capable of doing. We are afraid of being judged if we show any sign of vulnerability or a desire to be loved and cheerised and respected for who we are.<br />
I am not sure if I am fully there yet but I want to be and that's a start<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-852019313784951992011-04-04T14:58:00.000-07:002011-04-04T14:58:02.555-07:00The Mad Wife<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ymSeaejbE2c?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="295" width="480"></iframe>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-86589597922866480352011-04-03T12:10:00.001-07:002011-04-03T12:10:54.168-07:00Submissive heartKneeling,<br />
Bowing,<br />
Bound,<br />
You hear her footsteps,<br />
Click, click click.<br />
You feel your heart beating as she draws closer,<br />
And you wait for the sound of her voice,<br />
The anticipation of what may come fills you with both delight and dread,<br />
And then finally the sound of her voice,<br />
Caressing and piercing you,<br />
Sinking deep into your mind,<br />
The things she promises,<br />
The things she threatens,<br />
And you are not sure which one you desire more,<br />
The promise or the threat?<br />
Her hand then,<br />
On your leash,<br />
Tugging it gently,<br />
And then more roughly,<br />
Reminding you of her power,<br />
You feel a sense of awe,<br />
that she can do these things to you,<br />
And make you desire shameful things but not feel ashamed.<br />
You feel your collar tighten,<br />
As she tugs again on the leash,<br />
And you feel your heart tighten,<br />
Your submissive heart,<br />
You can feel the beauty of the moment,<br />
You can feel her beauty even though you cannot see it<br />
Parfois la beauté vue par l'oeil peut nous aveugler à la beauté de l'âme ou à la beauté d'un moment<br />
Her hand moves across you,<br />
A touch that can bring pain or pleasure,<br />
And her power is such that both can be equal,<br />
one complimenting the other,<br />
she gives you no choice,<br />
And she gives you every choice,<br />
She makes you hers completely,<br />
But she does not take it,<br />
You give it freely,<br />
You lay it at her feet,<br />
And she can crush it.<br />
You fight a war inside your mind,<br />
Inside your heart,<br />
But even though she is only an army of one,<br />
It is more than enough to defeat you,<br />
But surrender is not defeat,<br />
Not when you ache to surrender,<br />
Not when you ache to please,<br />
Not when she can lead you through darkness,<br />
And bring you into light.<br />
Her caress bites now,<br />
And pleasure becomes pain<br />
But you feel her pleasure as she releases her power,<br />
And the pain does not matter,<br />
You are uncertain if you can stop this,<br />
A word will stop it,<br />
But like every moment before this,<br />
There is a part of you that wants to be broken by her,<br />
To be crushed by her,<br />
To be remade by her,<br />
To be more for her.<br />
Finally,<br />
The thoughts are gone,<br />
The doubt,<br />
And you surrender totally to her.<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-6693707962053642702011-04-03T07:57:00.001-07:002011-04-03T07:57:48.011-07:00I am more than the sum of my parts: SlaveryI am more than the sum of my parts<br />
I am more than my fetishes and fantasies<br />
I am more than the books I read or the music I listen to<br />
I am more than my gender<br />
I am more than the reflection that looks back at me from the mirror<br />
I am more than that which other people see<br />
I am all of these things and more,<br />
these things and other tiny fragments combine to make me whole,<br />
And the fragments are only revealed and shared when you decide that you want to know me.<br />
People say they want to know you but only when it fits into their ideal world.<br />
You cannot have a slave without a person,<br />
Unless you only want a fantasy.<br />
Collars and chains and shackles are only symbols,<br />
And worthless in themselves.<br />
Slavery given freely does not bind you.<br />
It turns on the light in your soul.<br />
When it is accepted and cherised and nurtured it can only set you free._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-24691740019717900382011-03-26T10:55:00.000-07:002011-03-26T10:55:11.736-07:00PedestalJust back from pedestal. My second visit there. And once again I had an absolutely awesome. The women looked fantastic and the vibe and atmosphere was intoxicated. I worshipped lots of women and it was an absolute pleasure to do so. Being on my knees, licking their boots and worshipping their feet was heaven.<br />
One Domme, dressed like a punk. made me lick my boots and then she got me to boot black them for her as well. I was led around on all floors like a dog and ridden around like a horse. I was on an absolute high. The night finished at 5am but I felt as though I'd only been there a few mins. I'd love it if there was a similar event over here but the demand is probably not there. But then again..... <br />
I'll defintely be returning there in the very near future_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-42155309133195080332011-03-22T13:19:00.000-07:002011-03-22T13:19:25.623-07:00NeglectI haven't posted anything for a while now. If this were a woman then she'd be accusing me of neglect, not attending to her emotional needs etc. She'd have a point. So why haven't I posted in a while?<br />
Well this annoying little thing called life. I'm not going to refer to it as real life because a phrase like that suggests that what I do non vanilla wise isnt real, that it's somehow less important.<br />
Even the term vanilla doesn't sit very well at times; almost like saying- or infering- normal and not normal. Yes, there are stange and unusual things in BDSM. But isn't climbing Mount Everest strange and unusual? A person who attempts to do so risks death by falling, freezing, lack of oxygen. Yet the world applauds them for pushing the limits of physical endurance. Isn't BDSM much the same? People pushing limits and not just limits of the body but also of the mind and heart. Stereotypical roles are turned on their heads. Even gender can be played with. A man can explore his feminine side, a woman her masculine. <br />
But I'm diverting from the original topic- that's what happens when you don't write for a while. It all tumbles out of you. So why haven't I posted for a while? <br />
1. Life. And I'm going to use the R word. I've had enough of that word to last me for at least ten years.<br />
2. And this is probably the main reason. Doubt. I was beginning to have serious doubts about being in the lifestyle. Was it really for me? I gave serious consideration to leaving it all behind. <br />
And then I attended a workshop by Lee Harrington. The topic was "Rituals in Domination and submission." He was an extremely engaging speaker but one thing struck a very deep chord in me and made me realise why I am involved in this even though I still haven't found what I seek. "we all deserve a life of greatness. " <br />
Many people will have different opinion of what greatness entails. For some it may involve material things. But that isn't greatness to me. Greatness that can be taken away is- in my opinion only an illusion. The greatness- I believe Lee Harrington was refering to Greatness of self. Being who you truly are. A greatness of the heart and the soul. Thats the kind of greatness I want. And that's why I chose to stay. So I can be the best person I can possibly be. And you cant do that by suppressing what's a deep rooted part of you. _nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-64250502767710729072011-03-22T00:58:00.000-07:002011-03-22T00:58:22.633-07:00Muse Hullabaloo - Citizen Erased<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4i9eIfsadAs?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" width="425"></iframe>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-60907082641509818162011-01-02T04:15:00.000-08:002011-01-02T04:15:53.086-08:00Start of a new year: ReflectionsSo here I am at the start of a new year and It's time to reflect upon the year that was 2010. In many ways it was a very evenntful year although I still haven't come any closer to obtaining my ultimate. ie finding a Mistress but some things are worth waiting for. Paitence paitence paitence. That's my new mantra. <br />
There have been a few highlights: 1. Some great nights at Nimhneach. <br />
2. The femdom night. <br />
3. Some great parties. <br />
4. The photoshoot with Stella and Dommy Darko.<br />
5. My first visit to Pedestal. <br />
<br />
And then there were the moments when I wasn't sure if this was really for me, When I considered leaving the scene. But that only lasted for a moment. This is a part of me. It's in my blood and my bones. It frustrates me at times but the moments when it makes me feel intensely alive far outweigh the frustration. <br />
It's a journey and one that never really ends. I'm constantly learning new things, both about the scene and about myself. The kind of person I want to be, trying to get balance between the submissive and the person. Not always to do. I think it's about trying to bring the best part of yourself into the submission. A desire to serve and to try and do it in a selfless manner. What can I bring rather than what can I get. That's something I'm going to try and work on_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-81471543116122156742010-11-18T15:05:00.000-08:002010-11-18T15:05:18.991-08:00The fantasy of being a slaveA lot of men have fantasies about being a slave and those fantasies usually women as being a mere erotic image, a leather clad goddess who will satisfy their every kinky desire. The fact that she is a flesh and blood person with needs and desires of her own never really enters the equation. The potential slave always claims to have no limits and when he is with her he is constantly waiting the moment when she will fulfil his desires. <br />
But being a sub or a slave is not a fantasies- yes fantasies can be fulfiled- It's a comitment. At least it is to my mind. It's a relationship based on total honesty. If a person is not willing to give that then the relationship just will not work. Like any good relationship it is about what you can bring to the table. What qualities do you have as a person that would make a Domme or Mistress consider collaring you? If you have nothing to offer as a person that what can you offer as a slave. The parts of you as a person and the parts of you that contain the slave heart need to blend together as a whole._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-35692698246965899542010-11-17T16:03:00.000-08:002010-11-17T16:03:49.149-08:00It's been a whileWell I haven't updated this blog in a very long time. I've been lazy. Shame on me. And quite a lot has happened.Unfortunately most of it has been relation to my vanilla life but there has been some stuff in relation to the other and considering that the non vanilla aspect of my life is totally non depressive then I'm gonna focus on that. <br />
Went to the last Nimhneach au femme. It's something I've been thinking about doing for a while and it was a lot of fun to totally change my image for one night. Many thanks to Beatrix for lending me the clothes and doing the make up. I think she did a pretty good job. I thought I looked pretty hot. But I may be slightly prejudiced there. LOL. <br />
I also did a shoot with Stella and Dommy darko, which was a lot of fun. Stella looked fantastic in a purple and black corset and totally kick ass boots. I was wearing a pvc catsuit, dog mask and paws. We got a lot of attention- lots of car honking. The most amazing thing about it was that I was stone cold sober while doing the shoot but wasn't the least bit self conscious. <br />
Got the photos yesterday and even though I'm in them I think they look stunning. Dommy did a fantastic job. I have the photos up on my fetlife profile. Hard to choose one but if I had to theres something about the one in black and white that really stands out. Fetish noir? <br />
I'd certainly do more shoots. A beach would be pretty cool. <br />
I'm probably a bit of an exhibitionist if truth be told, I love the whole vibe of public play. You can reallly feed off the energy of a crowd as they're watching you play. At least I can. It's not the same for everybody. Some people prefer the intimacy of a bedroom. I like that too but I'd need to have a really good connection before that happens. In many ways BDSM play is much more intimate than sex and you need a much deeper level of trust._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-42020259995343074662010-09-10T00:08:00.000-07:002010-09-10T00:08:36.744-07:00BDSM: The Journey that never earnsI've been active within the Irish BDSM scene for almost three years now. I attend Nimhneach fetish club on a very regular basis and I've been to a number of fetish parties both in dublin and outside but the roots go back much longer. Decades.<br />
It's difficult to say when exactly it began; probably my early teens and it started totally as a fetish. I'd always had a slightly odd feeling around girls who wore patent leather shoes or shiny leather boots and girls who were slightly agressive. I had fantasies about being made to do things by them, being told to kiss their shoes or boots. I thought that it was just a phase and that I'd grow out of it, the same way you grow bored with a rock band when you're in your teens.<br />
But even though they subsided as the years went on, the feelings were always there in the back on my mind. I read some the Gor novels and fantasised about being a slave to a Gorean woman. When I was about 19, I finallly plucked up the courage and rang the phone number of a Pro Domme. I'd torn the page with her number out of a magazine about six months previously and stuck it in a jacket pocket.<br />
I went to her apt and played with her for about an hour. Boot worship, pet play and verbal humilation. I enjoyed the experience very much. The itch had finally been scratched.Now I could get back to living a nice uncomplicated life. But that didn't happen.<br />
The feelings kept resurfacing. Sometimes they would lie buried for years but eventually they announced themselves once again. Visits to pro Dommes only served to put ointment on the itch.<br />
It was only when I made my first visit to Nimhneach- when it was still in the vodoo lounge- that things began to click into place. I wasn't alone. I'd always felt like an outsider, as if i didn't really belong but now I felt like part of a community. It was almost like having a family who totally excepted me for who I was.<br />
It encouraged me to take a long and thoughtful look at myself and one thing in particular struck me All my relationships had been with dominant women- not always positively dominant- but i definitely tended to gravitate towards those types of women and i liked making women happy. There was a certain buzz about serving them. And I didnt want anything in return. Their contentment was enough for me. Not very macho in a lot of people's eyes but that's what being part of the BDSM community has brought to me. As long as you are behaving in a safe, sane and consensual manner then other people's eyes dont really matter. It's your own eyes that matter most; being able to look at yourself in a totally honest way, being truthful as living your life as full person and not just the image that society tries to label you with. And if that means you choose to define yourself as a slave or a master or a Mistress within your relationship then so be it. Its better to live as a proud slave then an empty and hollow vessel.<br />
Life is to be lived, not to be endured.<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-74979350259638233722010-09-05T08:29:00.000-07:002010-09-05T08:29:22.518-07:00Who is really in control?I suppose the most obvious answer to the question is the sub. He can say stop or use the safe word at any stage and then everything stops. The scene ends. But doesn't that change when the scene is with somebody you care about, that you value deeply as a human being and person and not just as a role? Then doesn't the power dynamic shift almost totally, if not completely to the Domme? <br />
<br />
As a sub you can feel a very deep connection, almost as if she's inside you. it makes you want to push harder and harder, to take more pain and humilation because you don't want to lose that connection, that sense of total freedom and release. Theres almost a conflict. you feel yourself wanting to use the safe word but something stops you. I can take more you tell yourself. The pain is worth it if it makes her happy, if that look in her eye remains. And that, I believe is where empathy from the Domme is essential, the ability to read a person. knowing that it is time to stop and then making the sub feel that she felt the connection too as he slowly comes down. she takes power but she also gives it back._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-38349891319986255222010-09-02T10:26:00.000-07:002010-09-02T10:26:45.164-07:00Here comes the weekendI really should be writing on this a lot more than I am but real life, ie work is causing a certain degree of lethargy. But at least the weekend is nearly here. Party on saturday night. Roseannas birthday. I wont say what age she is because she's obviously lying about it. There's no way she is anywhere near that age. LOL. <br />
I'll write some more on sunday or maybe even sooner. It depends how lazy I'm feeling_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-14435109944405701362010-08-26T22:58:00.000-07:002010-08-26T22:58:03.605-07:00FrustratedSo I'm a little bit frustrated at the moment, although I'm not sure if that's the right word to use. And the strange thing is that I shouldn't be frustrated at all. I'm having loads of fun at the moment. Great times of Nimhneach and various parties; plenty of play with various people. But I feel as though there's something missing. I really need a regular play parthner, someone that I have a really good connection with.<br />
There are things that I like and enjoy and which can send me very deeply into sub space but i dont want to become a do me sub, somebody who only thinks about his own needs and pleasures. Submission should- at least in my own opinion - be about what you can give and how you can be better at serving. That should be the ultimate reward and goal. Anything else is the icing on the cake.<br />
If a submissive constantly gets the things he wants then how can he grow? Because to me this is all about growth. Its about becoming a better and less selfish person through the acts of service and submission. I'll probably get there eventually. It's a matter of having the right mindset. And I think that I'm developing that._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-57313134300189074332010-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:002010-08-22T13:15:36.557-07:00NimhneachSo once again another great night at Nimhneach last night. I was in two minds as to whether or not I'd go as i wasn't feeling a hundred per cent but I'm glad I did. That's the thing about Nimhneach it's the nights you don't feel totally up for it that turn out to be the best. <br />
There was a great turn out. Approximately 180 people according to the organisers. The BDSM scene seems to be getting bigger and bigger and always great to see new people there. It took a while for me to totally relax. Lots of visits to the smoking area. As usual. But after a few cigarettes and beers I was totally in the vibe.<br />
No regular play parthner at the moment which is a bit disappointing but I always manage to have fun and I enjoy chatting with the people there. There is a real sense of community about the whole thing.<br />
I had some fun with Liz, who looked fab. She was in Domme mode and was deliciously wicked. After putting me in the cage for a little while, she lead me around on the leash like a puppy. And some very erotic shoe licking soon followed. And a light spanking. I also got my customary face slap from Roseanna. The night wouldn't be the same without one of them. <br />
_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-20156261649694613302010-08-18T12:12:00.000-07:002010-08-18T12:12:41.142-07:00The perfect Domme/MistressThe perfect Domme/Mistress is as follows:<br />
<ol><li>She struts around all around all day in a leather catsuits.</li>
<li>She cracks her whip constantly.</li>
<li>She loves to say dommy things like "on your knees slave" or "polish my boots with your tongue."</li>
<li>She has an evil and seductive laugh (ah ha ha ha ha hah. Think the count from sesame street but with a more velvet tone).</li>
</ol>Ah yes, fantasies. Wonderful aren't they. And all of the above are nice and a lot of men. But BDSM isn't just about knky fun to me. Its about evolving. It's about becoming a complete person and being able to express as many facets of myself as possible. So I'll take all of the above but I seek more, deeper (and darker. But beautiful darkness).<br />
To me, the perfect Domme/Mistress is this:<br />
<ol><li>She is a person first. All to easy to forget this when the journey starts. Your mind focuses on the fantasy. But a fantasy is merely a series of images swirling around the imagination. They have no real substance. And what use is a fantasy fulfiled if you can't relate to the person.</li>
<li>She is strong: By this I dont physically or strong in a "I can drink any man under the table, just watch me go" I mean strong in her femininity. Feminine stength is vastly different to masculine strength. It's what draws me to dominant women. She is fully aware of that strength but doesn't abuse it. She uses it wisely.</li>
<li>She has kindness in her cruelty. By this I mean she doesn't view submission to her as an act of weakness that she merely exploits. Oh, she will exploit it but to her the submission is about balance. She knows that one cannot exist without the other.</li>
<li>She has a sensual side.</li>
<li>She wants to know you not just as a sub but as a person.</li>
<li>She enjoys the power of bending you to her will but she doesn't do it because she wants to make you powerless. She does it because she wants to see you revealed completely. She can see something in you that is aching to be free and she wants to free it.<br />
</li>
</ol>Yes, I know there is more and many people will have their own definitions. All comments are welcome<br />
<em><br />
</em>_nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953901817336966564.post-2920745950569054922010-08-18T11:33:00.000-07:002010-08-18T11:33:19.721-07:00Natural Mastery, Consensual Mastery: A reviewNatural Mastery, Consensual Mastery is one persons account of his journey through BDSM. I read the book late last night in one sitting and highly reccomend it to anyone interested in the lifestyle. While it's written from the viewpoint of a Dom/Master, I believe that reading it will help a lot of people to understand where the need for Dominance and Submission comes from. <br />
While not everyone involved in the scene will have what the author terms "A Master heart" or indeed from my own viewpoint a "Slaves heart" there are quite a number who do. What the author shows is that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that both sides of the coin are strengths and not weaknesses.<br />
What comes across very strongly in the book is the authors respect for individuals regardless of their gender or role and that he uses his dominance in an extremely positive manner. ie not to bully or intimitate a potential slave but as a means of helping both himself and them to grow as people. what he brings to the table is an essential ingredient. His Humanity._nash_http://www.blogger.com/profile/00574332267344434216noreply@blogger.com0