I haven't posted anything for a while now. If this were a woman then she'd be accusing me of neglect, not attending to her emotional needs etc. She'd have a point. So why haven't I posted in a while?
Well this annoying little thing called life. I'm not going to refer to it as real life because a phrase like that suggests that what I do non vanilla wise isnt real, that it's somehow less important.
Even the term vanilla doesn't sit very well at times; almost like saying- or infering- normal and not normal. Yes, there are stange and unusual things in BDSM. But isn't climbing Mount Everest strange and unusual? A person who attempts to do so risks death by falling, freezing, lack of oxygen. Yet the world applauds them for pushing the limits of physical endurance. Isn't BDSM much the same? People pushing limits and not just limits of the body but also of the mind and heart. Stereotypical roles are turned on their heads. Even gender can be played with. A man can explore his feminine side, a woman her masculine.
But I'm diverting from the original topic- that's what happens when you don't write for a while. It all tumbles out of you. So why haven't I posted for a while?
1. Life. And I'm going to use the R word. I've had enough of that word to last me for at least ten years.
2. And this is probably the main reason. Doubt. I was beginning to have serious doubts about being in the lifestyle. Was it really for me? I gave serious consideration to leaving it all behind.
And then I attended a workshop by Lee Harrington. The topic was "Rituals in Domination and submission." He was an extremely engaging speaker but one thing struck a very deep chord in me and made me realise why I am involved in this even though I still haven't found what I seek. "we all deserve a life of greatness. "
Many people will have different opinion of what greatness entails. For some it may involve material things. But that isn't greatness to me. Greatness that can be taken away is- in my opinion only an illusion. The greatness- I believe Lee Harrington was refering to Greatness of self. Being who you truly are. A greatness of the heart and the soul. Thats the kind of greatness I want. And that's why I chose to stay. So I can be the best person I can possibly be. And you cant do that by suppressing what's a deep rooted part of you.