The fantasy of being a slave

A lot of men have fantasies about being a slave and those fantasies usually women as being a mere erotic image, a leather clad goddess who will satisfy their every kinky desire. The fact that she is a flesh and blood person with needs and desires of her own never really enters the equation. The potential slave always claims to have no limits and when he is with her he is constantly waiting the moment when she will fulfil his desires. 
   But being a sub or a slave is not a fantasies- yes fantasies can be fulfiled-  It's a comitment. At least it is to my mind. It's a relationship based on total honesty. If a person is not willing to give that then the relationship just will not work. Like any good relationship it is about what you can bring to the table. What qualities do you have as a person that would make a Domme or Mistress consider collaring you? If you have nothing to offer as a person that what can you offer as a slave. The parts of you as a person and the parts of you that contain the slave heart need to blend together as a whole.

It's been a while

Well I haven't updated this blog in a very long time. I've been lazy. Shame on me. And quite a lot has happened.Unfortunately most of it has been relation to my vanilla life but there has been some stuff in relation to the other and considering that the non vanilla aspect of my life is  totally non depressive then I'm gonna focus on that. 
  Went to the last Nimhneach au femme. It's something I've been thinking about doing for a while and it was a lot of fun to totally change my image for one night. Many thanks to Beatrix for lending me the clothes and doing the make up. I think she did a pretty good job. I thought I looked pretty hot. But I may be slightly prejudiced there. LOL. 
 I also did a shoot with Stella and Dommy darko, which was a lot of fun. Stella looked fantastic in a purple and black corset and totally kick ass boots. I was wearing a pvc catsuit, dog mask and paws. We got a lot of attention- lots of car honking. The most amazing thing about it was that I was stone cold sober while doing the shoot but wasn't the least bit self conscious. 
 Got the photos yesterday and even though I'm in them I think they look stunning. Dommy did a fantastic job. I have the photos up on my fetlife profile. Hard to choose one but if I had to theres something about the one in black and white that really stands out. Fetish noir? 
  I'd certainly do more shoots. A beach would be pretty cool. 
  I'm probably a bit of an exhibitionist if truth be told, I love the whole vibe of public play. You can reallly feed off the energy of a crowd as they're watching you play. At least I can. It's not the same for everybody. Some people prefer the intimacy of a bedroom. I like that too but I'd need to have a really good connection before that happens. In many ways BDSM play is much more intimate than sex and you need a much deeper level of trust.

BDSM: The Journey that never earns

I've been active within the Irish BDSM scene for almost three years now. I attend Nimhneach fetish club on a very regular basis and I've been to a number of fetish parties both in dublin and outside but the roots go back much longer. Decades.
It's difficult to say when exactly it began; probably my early teens and it started totally as a fetish. I'd always had a slightly odd feeling around girls who wore patent leather shoes or shiny leather boots and girls who were slightly agressive. I had fantasies about being made to do things by them, being told to kiss their shoes or boots. I thought that it was just a phase and that I'd grow out of it, the same way you grow bored with a rock band when you're in your teens.
But even though they subsided as the years went on, the feelings were always there in the back on my mind. I read some the Gor novels and fantasised about being a slave to a Gorean woman. When I was about 19, I finallly plucked up the courage and rang the phone number of a Pro Domme. I'd torn the page with her number out of a magazine about six months previously and stuck it in a jacket pocket.
I went to her apt and played with her for about an hour. Boot worship, pet play and verbal humilation. I enjoyed the experience very much. The itch had finally been scratched.Now I could get back to living a nice uncomplicated life. But that didn't happen.
The feelings kept resurfacing. Sometimes they would lie buried for years but eventually they announced themselves once again. Visits to pro Dommes only served to put ointment on the itch.
It was only when I made my first visit to Nimhneach- when it was still in the vodoo lounge- that things began to click into place. I wasn't alone. I'd always felt like an outsider, as if i didn't really belong but now I felt like part of a community. It was almost like having a family who totally excepted me for who I was.
It encouraged me to take a long and thoughtful look at myself and one thing in particular struck me All my relationships had been with dominant women- not always positively dominant- but i definitely tended to gravitate towards those types of women and i liked making women happy. There was a certain buzz about serving them. And I didnt want anything in return. Their contentment was enough for me. Not very macho in a lot of people's eyes but that's what being part of the BDSM community has brought to me. As long as you are behaving in a safe, sane and consensual manner then other people's eyes dont really matter. It's your own eyes that matter most; being able to look at yourself in a totally honest way, being truthful as living your life as full person and not just the image that society tries to label you with. And if that means you choose to define yourself as a slave or a master or a Mistress within your relationship  then so be it. Its better to live as a proud slave then an empty and hollow vessel.
Life is to be lived, not to be endured.

Who is really in control?

I suppose the most obvious answer to the question is the sub. He can say stop or use the safe word at any stage and then everything stops. The scene ends. But doesn't that change when the scene is with somebody you care about, that you value deeply as a human being and person and not just as a role? Then doesn't the power dynamic shift almost totally, if not completely to the Domme? 

  As a sub you can feel a very deep connection, almost as if she's inside you. it makes you want to push harder and harder, to take more pain and humilation because you don't want to lose that connection, that sense of total freedom and release. Theres almost a conflict. you feel yourself wanting to use the safe word but something stops you. I can take more you tell yourself. The pain is worth it if it makes her happy, if that look in her eye remains. And that, I believe is where empathy from the Domme is essential, the ability to read a person. knowing that it is time to stop and then making the sub feel that she felt the connection too as he slowly comes down.  she takes power but she also gives it back.

Here comes the weekend

I really should be writing on this a lot more than I am but real life, ie work is causing a certain degree of lethargy. But at least the weekend is nearly here. Party on saturday night. Roseannas birthday. I wont say what age she is because she's obviously lying about it. There's no way she is anywhere near that age. LOL. 
  I'll write some more on sunday or maybe even sooner. It depends how lazy I'm feeling

Frustrated

So I'm a little bit frustrated at the moment, although I'm not sure if that's the right word to use. And the strange thing is that I shouldn't be frustrated at all. I'm having loads of fun at the moment. Great times of Nimhneach and various parties; plenty of play with various people. But I feel as though there's something missing. I really need a regular play parthner, someone that I have a really good connection with.
  There are things that I like and enjoy and which can send me very deeply into sub space but i dont want to become a do me sub, somebody who only thinks about his own needs and pleasures. Submission should- at least in my own opinion - be about what you can give and how you can be better at serving. That should be the ultimate reward and goal. Anything else is the icing on the cake.
  If a submissive constantly gets the things he wants then how can he grow? Because to me this is all about growth. Its about becoming a better and less selfish person through the acts of service and submission. I'll probably get there eventually. It's a matter of having the right mindset. And I think that I'm developing that.

Nimhneach

So once again another great night at Nimhneach last night. I was in two minds as to whether or not I'd go as i wasn't feeling a hundred per cent but I'm glad I did. That's the thing about Nimhneach it's the nights you don't feel totally up for it that turn out to be the best. 
  There was a great turn out. Approximately 180 people according to the organisers. The BDSM scene seems to be getting bigger and bigger and always great to see new people there. It took a while for me to totally relax. Lots of visits to the smoking area. As usual. But after a few cigarettes and beers I was totally in the vibe.
  No regular play parthner at the moment which is a bit disappointing but I always manage to have fun and I enjoy chatting with the people there. There is a real sense of community about the whole thing.
   I had some fun with Liz, who looked fab. She was in Domme mode and was deliciously wicked. After putting me in the cage for a little while, she lead me around on the leash like a puppy. And some very erotic shoe licking soon followed. And a light spanking. I also got my customary face slap from Roseanna. The night wouldn't be the same without one of them. 
   

The perfect Domme/Mistress

The perfect Domme/Mistress is as follows:

1. She struts around all around all day in a leather catsuits.
2. She cracks her whip constantly.
3. She loves to say dommy things like "on your knees slave" or "polish my boots with your tongue."
4. She has an evil and seductive laugh (ah ha ha ha ha hah. Think the count from sesame street but with a more velvet tone).

Ah yes, fantasies. Wonderful aren't they. And all of the above are nice and a lot of men. But BDSM isn't just about knky fun to me. Its about evolving. It's about becoming a complete person and being able to express as many facets of myself as possible. So I'll take all of the above but I seek more, deeper (and darker. But beautiful darkness).
To me, the perfect Domme/Mistress is this:

1. She is a person first. All to easy to forget this when the journey starts. Your mind focuses on the fantasy. But a fantasy is merely a series of images swirling around the imagination. They have no real substance. And what use is a fantasy fulfiled if you can't relate to the person.
2. She is strong: By this I dont physically or strong in a "I can drink any man under the table, just watch me go" I mean strong in her femininity. Feminine stength is vastly different to masculine strength. It's what draws me to dominant women. She is fully aware of that strength but doesn't abuse it. She uses it wisely.
3. She has kindness in her cruelty. By this I mean she doesn't view submission to her as an act of weakness that she merely exploits. Oh, she will exploit it but to her the submission is about balance. She knows that one cannot exist without the other.
4. She has a sensual side.
5. She wants to know you not just as a sub but as a person.
6. She enjoys the power of bending you to her will but she doesn't do it because she wants to make you powerless. She does it because she wants to see you revealed completely. She can see something in you that is aching to be free and she wants to free it.
   

Yes, I know there is more and many people will have their own definitions. All comments are welcome

Natural Mastery, Consensual Mastery: A review

Natural Mastery, Consensual Mastery is one persons account of his journey through BDSM. I read the book late last night in one sitting and highly reccomend it to anyone interested in the lifestyle. While it's written from the viewpoint of a Dom/Master, I believe that reading it  will help a lot of people to understand where the need for Dominance and Submission comes from. 
  While not everyone involved in the scene will have what the author terms "A Master heart" or indeed from my own viewpoint a "Slaves heart" there are quite a number who do. What the author shows is that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that both sides of the coin are strengths and not weaknesses.
   What comes across very strongly in the book is the authors respect for individuals regardless of their gender or role and that he uses his dominance in an extremely positive manner. ie not to bully or intimitate a potential slave but as a means of helping both himself and them to grow as people. what he brings to the table is an essential ingredient. His Humanity.

Reality sucking my soul

Well another soul sucking day at work, where, as usual, every now and then, my mind turned to kink. It's my way of keeping my sanity. The cost repetition of tasks makes me want to scream sometimes. Little wonder that by the time kink comes around again I'm like a coiled spring.
  Reality however is something that we have to deal with. There are times though when the kink or the oportunity to express my sub side seems more real than reality. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing? It's certainly more enjoyable, The fact that I have to keep it pretty much buried most of the time probably has a lot to do with it. If  I had a choice it would be 24/7 but obviously within the bounds of reality. Soul sucking as it can be at times you can't deny reality. But you also can't deny who you are.

Why do males submit?

That's a difficult one to answer because I can't really think of it as submission. I think of it more as release of your inner self, something that you have, or feel you have to, keep locked inside. It's not an easy thing for a male to admit he wants a female to have power over him, that he wants to be her submissive or her slave.
 By its very nature the word "Slave" creates a very negative effect in a lot of people's minds. Chains and shackles and all that kind of stuff. But within the context of BDSM it's a very different thing. But try explaining that to people and it's almost impossible. No matter how liberal or open minded a person is, many of them still cling to the idea of Men are X and Women are y. 
  The question was why do males submit. Well there are a lot of reasons. One is the mere kink/fantasy one. The male needs to submit for a few moments in order to release pressure that is building up inside, It's pretty common in males who have high powered stressful jobs where they constantly need to create an image of bravado. To be able to be in a position were somebody else has power over them and all they have to worry about is obeying a series commands can be a huge relief. And the fact that they are submitting to a woman makes it even more intoxicating. They feel the loss of power even more intensely. 
   But this is merely a kink thing. It's important to the individuals concerned but what about a male who seeks a sub/ domme or a mistress/slave relationship? Where does that desire come from. Is it weakness?
    A lot of people would think so. They would be repulsed by the idea of a male wearing a collar and kneeling at a woman's feet and wanting to give himself to her, to serve her, to take pain from her. How could this even be defined as a relationship? Where's the love in it? 
   Well the first thing I'd say to that is a male who seeks this kind of relationship and who reallly wants it doesn't submit to an image or role. He submits to a person and that person has to have qualities that awaken his desire to submit. And no love in it. I don't think there's any better love than being totally accepted for who you are. Acception that is not based on your gender but on you as a person.
    I think also that males who have this desire are pychologically stimulated to an extent by feminine power. So what exactly do I mean by feminine power? Well I dont mean a woman who adopts all the characteristics of a cliched male and then tells us that she is striking a blow for feminism. I mean a woman who is totally comfortable within herself and recognises the power that she has.
   Where sometimes male dominance can be based on swagger  and strength, Female dominance can be very silent. But a part of you feels it. Some males can pick up on that and they respond to it.
  That in itself is not enough however. There needs to be more. It takes more than the label "dominant" for a person to want to reveal themselves completely and give themselves completely to another person. At least it does for me.

Femdom night

Just back from a fantastic night of fun and kink. A Femdom themed party. Lots of cool kinky people. The women all looked amazing. It was an almost perfect night. Would have been absolutely perfect if my best friend had been there. But close to perfect is still pretty good. 

 The throne was a big hit and all the women looked very regal sitting on it. Just hope the power went to their heads. LOL. It took a while for things to get going but once they did I was in total sub space for the rest of the night (and morning). Still on a high at the moment.
  Gillian wont need to clean her boots for a while after my very long tounge polishing and she gave me a very nice flogging in the dungeon as well. Thanks to her for that and of course she looked fabulous. The corset and gloves were extremely erotic and sexy.
  Roseanna arrived late, but like a whirlwind, and, as usual, looked very sexy, beautiful and evil. (evil in a good way of course. You wouldn't think such a nice person could be so sadistic but once she gets going there is no stopping her. And god help the person who tries. But she was gentle on me.
  Was beyond sub space when she was on the throne and had me worshipping her boots. She was determined that i wasn't going to miss any spots but if you're going to do a job then it should be done properly.
  Poor Frank got the worst of it from her but it served him right for his cheek. If you're going to give to a Domme, especially Roseanna, then you will pay the price. Watching her beating Frank to "In the mood" was one of the hightlights of the night. 
  So all in all a very successful and enjoyable night. many thanks to all who came. The people made the night. You can't have a fabulous night without fabulous people. 

Introduction

Just a very quick introduction to my blog. I've decided to create one so i can write about BDSM from my own perspective and how it's had a very beneficial effect on my life. not everyone will agree with my viewpoints and i dont expect them to. the emotional and psychological aspects of BDSM are what appeal to me most. I'll be heading out fairly soon to attend a Femdom themed party. will post more tomorrow