Progress

Have not written a great deal lately. Partly because I had problems logging into the blog. Also because there has been a lot going on in my life. Some of it is work related but mainly it's been about progress. I'm learning more and more about myself as a person. I am developing a very deep connection with my Mistress. She is a great comfort to me. The fact that she wants to know me as a person means a great deal. Things are still in the early stages but so far they are going well. I feel inspired by her and wish to continue to develop myself as a person and become more for her. 
  I'm also writing more. I've published a book on Amazon Kindle books. Just a short collection of poetry and essays reflecting upon experiences and emotions I have discovered and grown into as a submissive. The writing came from the heart. I don't Harry Potter has anything to worry about just yet. LOL. This is a link to it. I hope to write further in regard to my development as both a person and a submissive. I don't think you can really separate the two. One develops the other. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005CDD3AE

Words; on a high

Words, a series of letters merely when you think about it, but they can have such power. A word such as Mistress. It's a word I have used a number of times. I've used at Nimhneach and at play parties. It helps to enhance the dynamic of a scene. But now that I am using the word to somebody who means a great deal to me it has taken on a completely different meaning. It's like an electrical charge flowing through my body. Belonging to somebody gives me a real sense of perspective and purpose. It's not merely a word. It's a statement.  
   And when she says words to me. Words such as "My boy" "My slave" My dog" "My footstool" Words that signify that I am hers, then I feel totally alive. You cannot live through another person but with the right connection you can find something that makes you appreciate the value of life, the value of love. I'm in a very good place at the moment.

The look and the silence that says more than a thousand words

She looks at you. She does not speak. She looks at you. Her eyes say the words. She looks at you. And her eyes speak. Deep inside you they echo. You are mine. You do not hear the words. Deep inside you you feel them. You are mine.
You kneel before her. she looks at you. She does not speak. You are mine. You don't know why you kneel. You feel so humble. She does not speak. She looks at you. You are mine. You feel the power of the silent words vibrate inside your body. Your heart swells up. You lower your head and you kiss her feet. You don't why you kiss her feet. You cannot see her eyes but you can feel them. You can feel them touching you. you can feel them deep inside you. It's almost as if she is holding a mirror in front of you and showing you your secret reflection. A reflection that you keep buried. Because you thought that it was ugly and weak.
And now she shows you how beautiful and strong it is. You are at her feet. And she touches you. Your heart swells up. You feel a tightness against your neck. she raises your head so that you can see her eyes again. She does not speak. And then you see the collar. You feel the tightness. Has she turned you into a dog you wonder. Dogs wear collars.
Gently. she lays her hand on your head and you are at her feet again. And she never speaks. She does not need to. Her eyes say more than words ever could. You are mine. Yes, your heart replies. I am.

Freed into slavery

To kneel before you,
To bow down to you,
To worship and even pray to you as though you were God,
to be humbled by you,
To abase myself before you,
To choose slavery with open eyes and heart,
To be all that you desire,
To feel your your touch and to see you glow,
To know that I am yours.
To crawl to your feet and lay down before you and await your command,
Or just to lie in silence,
While my heart beats in rhythm with the echo of your power,
To listen to your voice,
To discover my soul through servitude and surrender,
To know with a glance what it is you require.
For words not to be required,
To be chained before you,
And to feel the chains of the heart ripped free,
To be freed into slavery

The Darkness that turned on a light

I was reborn into darkness,
Into dark desires,
And in those dark desires I found a light,
A light that illuminated,
And revealed with clarity,
All that I am and can be and desire to be.
And to find light,
You must stumble through darkness for a time,
And struggle with shame and guilt,
Until the you that is truly you is opened up.
There is no shame in kneeling with a bowed head,
to prostate yourself at the feet of one,
Who will lead you deeper into the light,
Who will accept you as you truly are,
beyond flesh,
To the very core of your being,
One who will touch you,
And guide you,
Bring you to your knees but never let you fall.

He offers service: poem

To his eyes and heart she was a queen,
Though she did not wear regal clothing or speak with regal air,
But still he knelt before her and offered service.
Which, at first, she declined,
And told him not to kneel,
Because kneeling seemed like weakness to her eyes,
To which he replied
"I do not Kneel to show you my weakness, I kneel to offer you my strength."
She mused upon this for a time,
Looking down upon him with her eyes,
And felt his strength combining with her own.
And now he serves with strength and pride,
wears her collar,
And by doing so no weakness is defined,
Only her strength and his combined,
To form something divine.

Reflections

So these are just a few random reflections that I'm having at the moment, clearing out the cobwebs of my mind. I've been involved in the scene seriously now for a little over three years. I've met some great people and had some wonderful scenes. So far I have enjoyed myself immensely and I sincerely hope that I continue to do so.
   But I find myself at a crossroads. The next part will probably sound somewhat selfish but I want more. And I'm not even sure if want is the correct word to use. At times it is almost like a craving, as though there is a part of me inside that is caged in a blanket of darkness. The light is very close by but I am struggling to find the switch. That light is the light of true connection, when you are connected with somebody not just in the context of your respective roles but as people.
   It is not an easy thing to achieve and there have been times when I doubted if it could be achieved. Maybe I needed to compromise my principals? I Know that many people within the scene have done that. But then if you compromise on something that is very much a part of you then aren't you selling yourself short?  You can fake it I suppose but inside you would always know the truth and it would constantly gnaw at you, leaving you hollow inside.
  I guess what I'm saying is that it can be difficult to find somebody who really gets you. Not just as the person who is standing in front of them but who you are inside, the person that you want to be but something holds you back. You don't know what it is. The light switch is in front of you but you just can't seem to find it. 
   Sometimes I feel as though my hand is hovering over the light switch. All I need to do is just switch it on.